gratitude

i had an exhausting weekend - i had my own birthday party sat. night. my birthday is feb. 17 but that's during lent so i had my party two weeks early b/c i don't party during lent. i love lent - it's so quiet and soft. it's like the time between when i wake up before i get out of bed - 5 more minutes. i snuggle into my blankets and cuddle with the dog and it's soft and quiet and dark. lent to me is like 40 days of 5 more minutes and instead of cuddling with the dog, i'm burrowing in with god.
anyway, i had some friends over last night - very casual. then, sun. afternoon i hosted my godson connor's 9th birthday party. fortunately the weather here has been warm so the kids played outside in my backyard for a lot of the party. the kids at the party were connor's school friends, but mostly kids from church - his mom, mary and i grew up at our church and now we teach sun. school together and connor is in our class. it was nice to see the kids from our sun. school class in another setting than our classroom or even church.
at one point i was taking some garbage down to the basement and i was struck with a feeling of gratitude for my life, the life i've created, the community that i have through church and my friends.
i grew up with a family that had such pain and secrets they all had to medicate themselves thoroughly to be able to get through their day to day existense while carrying their pain. as a result, they were all unaware of the danger and pain i was in growing up. but, they are all gone now, thank god. i don't miss any of my family, i don't miss their dis-ease. and i have created a life for myself of friends, community, joy.
the trick is to enjoy my life while not trying to hold onto it. i can live it, one day at a time, but my life as it is now is not forever. and that's ok.