þ Nun
þ None
One of the things I was looking forward to as a nun was the
opportunity to pray in communion several times a day – the Daily Office. I also
thought it would be interesting to experiment a little with liturgy. I’ve seen
orders that use the New Zealand prayer book or work out some special liturgy of
their own.
I went to visit a convent in Swaziland run by the Order of
the Holy Paraclete, which has its main house in England. I spent two weeks with
a great sister and we talked, I asked questions, she answered, we debated
theology with others – really amazing. In the course of our talking Sr. Carol
said to me that as fewer women were entering religious orders they were going
to eventually leave Swaziland and turn the running of the orphanage over to the
local people. Makes sense that, rather than a bunch of old white ladies telling
black people how to run an orphanage they should train locals and leave the
raising of Swazi orphans to them. Sr. Carol told me that if I entered OHP now
I’d live in England, do administrative work, and take care of old nuns. I
cannot thank her enough for her honesty because all three of those were the
exact opposite of what I wanted to do! I said to her at one point, if fewer and
fewer women are entering the convent, then who will be there to take care of
me? Or would I be the last nun standing? She replied honestly I could be the
last nun standing. I envisioned myself freezing my old ass off in an NHS
nursing home in northern England. No. Thank. You.
The other thing that Sr. Carol said was people bemoan the
state of religious orders because they are shrinking but the work that nuns and
monks used to do, governments and NGOs do that now. She said the Holy Spirit
has something new in mind for the church and I believe her.
A year or so after that I started going to an emerging
church called St. Lydia’s. It was in the Lower East Side at the beginning of
its ministry and now is in Brooklyn. The Eucharist is set around a dinner, like
the early church. People cook the meal, serve the meal, eat, talk, break bread,
drink wine in remembrance of Christ. I became fairly active in that church and
made a lot of new friends. St. Lydia’s moved to Brooklyn and I kept going for a
year but the commute was worse than my daily work schlep and a few other
factors made it less appealing for me to go.
I am now in a stage of not going to church. I don’t miss it
at all which surprised me at first. I’ve been going to church my entire life. I
don’t miss Eucharist, which is a big deal to Episcopalians. We take it weekly
normally and daily at best. I definitely don’t miss volunteering. My job feels
like a community service so I don’t need church to fill that aspect of my life.
What really surprised me is that I don’t miss community. I tried a new church
about six months ago and the very first thought that popped into my head as I
walked in the door was, I don’t want to make new community. Huh. Maybe at this
stage in my life I have enough?
They say that once you’ve seen how the sausage is made you
can’t eat it anymore. That’s the institutional church for me. Institutional
church so doesn’t do it for me now.
I think I’m becoming a “none” as in the box I’d check on a
form that asked my religious affiliation.
I believe in God. I believe in Christ. I believe in
compassion for my brothers and sisters.
I practice love, compassion, mindfulness to the best of my
ability.
