Monday, August 29, 2005

prague in the 90's

i was visiting with some friends from my days in prague yesterday. we all live in the u.s. now but we all lived in prague in the mid 1990's. one of my friends referred to me as an artist. i think a few people thought of me that way, although i never created art in any form like painting, music, photographs, sculpture, etc. i didn't even write. but, i did live life to the absolute f'ing fullest and told stories from my own life and from the lives of my family on my mother's side, which was a matriarchy - all strong, independent, entrepreneurial women.
in some ways i am completely different from that woman. i started out bold and brash but spinned towards frenetic energy, vampiric energy. i was scared but not sure of what exactly, because it was too scary to even go there. but, there are aspects of that jen in prague in her 20's that i really respect. i was totally fearless. i still am. i am, however, more private now about certain aspects of my life, i have boundaries.
i believe we are all called to become the man or woman that god has in store for us. i strive on a day to day basis to become that jen that god sees when she looks at me.
living life fully, humbly, the way it's meant to be lived, is an art. i want to live that way, turning my will over as often as i can remember and submitting to the infinitely more intelligent will of the god of my understanding.

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