Friday, November 11, 2005

heaven on earth

last week my boyfriend and i were "having a lie in" as the irish call it, sleeping late. my dog, music, the golden retriever, waited patiently for us to wake up. i am babysitting my neighbor's boston terrier, rocco. he's not so patient. he stands up at the edge of the bed and stares at us with big googly eyes and snorts. we told music to "hop up, pup" and she crawled in between the two of us on the bed and snuggled in for petting. rocco started to whimper and cry (sounds like whale song, i swear) so we pulled him into bed with us. music doesn't think much of this but tolerated it. we all lay down for dozing and snoring and i said to john, "this is like heaven."
i have a visual meditation i like to do when i am feeling stressed. i imagine myself as an adult, resuing the three year old me. i go to her, wrap her in a warm, soft blanket, and take her away to a big, white, soft, warm bed with flannel sheets and we have on flannel pyjamas. every dog i've ever had in my entire life is in the bed. it's one BIG bed. three year old jenny and i climb in and eat cocoa pebbles cereal and watch cartoons. then i imagine god is holding that bed in her arms, surrounding us in an embrace.
i spent most of my life terrified of men. the fact that i have a boyfriend right now is a miracle and due entirely to surrendering my will and life to god and then working my ass off with god's help for several years. to feel safe with john, cozy and warm in the bed with all the dogs is a blessing and a gift. it's like a salvation from perpetual victimhood and prejudice against men.


Claire Joy said...

Hey Jen, I just found your blog! Have only plowed through half of it but your thiughts/insights are way cool. Love you… Claire Joy

AC said...

Hey, yeah, i read yours .. if you go to xanga and search for blogrings of Catholic vocations there a bunch on there...