i'm still working through my concepts on sin and salvation. i think i need to see my spiritual director. i have been getting some really great insights since i opened up to this contemplation though. i went to an al-anon meeting yesterday that's on the third step (made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him) and the speaker talked about searching for parents who would take care of her (unlike the actual parents she had growing up) and how that puts her in the position of being a little girl, being a victim. that really hit home for me.
i have meshed in my mind the concept of sin as being bad and i can't "think" my way out of that. part of the reading from yesterday's meeting included a quote from Aurelius Augustinus which said, "understanding is the reward of faith. therefore, seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand." i have been trying to intellecutalize or analyze my way out of this stinking thinking and it's not going to work.
this is where my trust in god really has to come in play. i used to know a priest who said, "how big is your god?" is my god big enough for this? to write on my heart a new understanding of sin and salvation?
the speaker from the meeting yesterday said that she's no longer looking for surrogate parents, but she is looking for a god of her understanding. sounds like this is a good opportunity for me to look at how big my god is and let her be bigger.