my boyfriend and i broke up last week. we'd been together over three years - the longest i've been with anyone by a very long stretch. we're working out how to be friends - he's so important to me and i want to be friends.
i spent my entire life taking care of my mother's feelings, because she couldn't. then i took care of john's feelings, because he couldn't. now i have no one to take care of other than myself and i believe that it is time for me to take care of me and only me as i become more and more ready for my new life.
i've cut my hair into what i dub my "nun haircut." i've stopped coloring my hair for the first time since i was 19 years old. i've stopped wearing make up. and now i've left my romantic relationship.
in my past, i used to try to fill up the god-sized hole in my life with a man. i used to look to men to make everything better for me, everything from my past. i stopped doing that several years ago. now i have a man-sized hole instead of a god-sized hole. that is more manageable.
i truly believe that when something leaves our lives, there is that much more room for the universe to fill up that space with something better. i think that space is more room for me. more room for god.
i want to go to bulembu as early as possible. maybe by my next vacation, which is during lent. i would love to be in africa for lent.